John Crnokrak & Associates

How often are you faced dealing with difficult people? I’m one that believes our emotions get in the way of our ability to follow through in dealing with a situation, whether it be the first time or ongoing dealing with a difficult person. What I’ve learned is simple, believe that you’re in control of your emotions, feel-good then, deal with the issue/problem/solution.

In my coaching of executives, I remind them, dealing with a different situation or person, we must first recognize we are not going to solve the problem immediately.Since there are many issues when dealing with a difficult person or situation, identify the “initial part” the situation you can’t stop thinking about. Then defined the “what it is” that is stressing you out from the person or situation.

Once you have figured that out, stay focused on specific and practical solutions rather than “running from addressing it” or worse yet, “letting your mind wonder”with confusion.People with a less than “positive or depressed attitude”have a tendency to elicit a sympathetic feeling in us and desire us to help solve their problems. The trouble with this is,any help we offer; “simply feeds their powerless behavior pattern.” People can be “influenced” to change and we can influence them to make that happen.

Ask yourself this: “When have you recently or even taken the time to think about a positive desired outcome?” And if and when you do it, it is usually what we do not want from the other annoying person that they continue to do! So, deal with a problem in “bite- sized” pieces and do it, one piece at a time. Take a look at your unsure patterns, then decide if you want the problem to continue in the future. It’s important to remember, we all want to feel calm and confident when dealing with a difficult situation or person!

So, to resolve the problem; describe the outcome you want, “using positive terms only” without the words; “NOT- STOP- LESS, ETC. Now while in the process, keep in mind, we “cannot change a person’s core personality;” so don’t strive for an objective, you know is impossible.

Let’s say, for an example 2 people are deciding to leave, Wisconsin. One person doesn’t really know why the other wants to go to Minnesota, however this other person has a plan. If the first person doesn’t want to move, this situation possibly could end up even worse off. It’s important to remember we exist to realities daily. Our inner and outer reality, the two are in alignment with the other and certainly these are times when people display separate existences.

Our “Inner reality” is the sum total of all of our past experiences such as: “our upbringing, learning, values, personal comfort levels, our expectations how people behave toward us, and our perception of what we are capable of, etc.

In learning this through the years, it appears this is all our beliefs, thoughts and feelings bundled into a virtual reality experience within our mind/head and outside our normal “conscious awareness.” It appears, most of the time, “inner reality” precedes “outer reality,” however, the outer reality we live in is a reflection of our inner reality. So we unconsciously create our outer lives, to match up with the life we have on the inside for better or worse, clear or confused, whether we realize it or not.

To be successful with difficult people we need to build an “inner reality” where we see the other person conveying the desirable behavior we want to see. Things like cooperativeness, being friendly, receptive to new ideas and smiling, etc. To accomplish this, it is essential “we personally see” ourself in that inner reality, behaving in a positive manner that “brings out” these good qualities in the other person.

What I’ve truly learned through my many years of experience, dealing with difficult people is; “NO ONE is difficult all the time, and yet once we have had a difficult encounter there is always the tendency for us to assume that they will always be difficult in the future. Taking the attitude a person will be difficult, we will surely approach them in a way that will bring out these difficult issues or whatever.

In all my readings I found the secret is to bring into our thinking process a positive mental attitude and confident feelings from another mental set that exists somewhere else inside our mind. If we think of our mind as a computer, it makes more sense. In my coaching of executives, I remind them to learn how to take on the “Persona of a Successful Role Model” who they know can handle the situation they are in confidently and effectively! Doing this will help anyone to inspire themselves to rise above a situation!

The point of any tough situation is to “develop some kind of positive attitude” toward a person or situation, if you are to be truly successful. It is important to keep in mind, when we practiced to attempt to deal with a difficult person or situation, it’s like when we first learn how to “ride a bike”or swim, or any other complicated task.

Naturally we initially didn’t to it perfectly! So, with difficult people or situations it is usually “impossible” to establish a regular rehearsal session since people are not usually that cooperative about giving us their difficult behavior at just the right times. Thus, we need to be prepared in dealing with it constantly.

So I challenge those of you reading this blog, begin now to prepare your mind to; “start to learn” and learn how to experiment with different ways of handling issues until you come up with an approval that seems to produce a productive results for you. So start now to think to:

THINK THROUGH ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF ANY SITUATION– DOING THIS WILL HELP YOU TO MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN WITHOUT SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS– IT WILL HELP YOU TO PLAY OUT YOUR NEGATIVE URGES– IT ALSO PROVIDES YOU WITH A MEANS TO DESENSITIZE TO A DIFFICULT PERSON OR SITUATION, ALONG WITH THEIR TRIGGERING BEHAVIOR. BEING PERSISTENT WITH HANDLING ANY CONTENTIOUS SITUATION WILL HELP YOU TO GO BEYOND YOUR USUAL WAY OF THINKING AND WILL ALLOW YOU TO DIG DEEPER AND BREAK OUT OF OLD HABITS.

NEVER FORGET, WITHIN EVERY PROBLEM IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY! Have you realized how your “subconscious mind” sends you good information; (often in unusual and symbolic ways)? How do you truly do things in a different perspective and become more “detached” from provocations? We can when we truly do not let anyone “trigger our fears and distress!”

In closing, remember, it is okay to make mistakes as long as we LEARN from them! But even better, to make them in our mind first. Like the old saying goes “MEASURE AT LEAST TWICE, BUT CUT ONCE!” Never stop believing that; “WE DO NOT OWE ANOTHER PERSON AN ANSWER; JUST A RESPONSE!

I wish all of you reading this message continued success, be well and safe. John Crnokrak

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